Thinking Ahead

Hubs got good news at his followup appointment yesterday, and I can tell he's been feeling better too. And he's gained almost 2 lbs this week. The last month or so hasn't been good before this. His weight kept dropping to about 130, and for someone who's 5'7" that's not nearly enough. His red blood count kept dropping while his blood sugar was slowly stabilizing again. Things finally stabilized enough to go back on the chemo, and after a week, his blood sugar stayed normal and his red blood count went up a lot after the last transfusion. He got another transfusion yesterday as a 'booster' to get him even closer to a normal count. And another good news is that we got one free night at a 5-star hotel in town for this weekend. The only 'problem' is that a major snow storm is due that night too so getting home might be tricky.

We went to Friday night Shabbat dinner at our temple a couple weeks ago and one couple we've known there for a while offered to go out with us shopping or whatever. He'd keep Hubs company while she & I would have  "girls only time" which she freely admits is for me, not for her. It's a great idea, although I have no idea if we'll do it or not.

Hubs and the Rabbi talked and whatever he said (I wasn't there for the conversation) made Hubs feel better/supported/whatever. I mentioned to the Rabbi later that there's a good chance that 2-5 years down the road, Hubs will be gone. He told me that Hubs said 1-2 years, which didn't surprise me. He told me to 'think positively' and hope that they'll find more options, etc, blah blah. The chemo he's on is THE last one available right now, and there's nothing new in studies / research right now (and the oncologist is tops in the field so if something was there, he'd know about it.)

Maybe it's not 'positive' but I think I'm doing right by planning what to do after he's gone.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

in college, that was always one of the job interview questions. Maybe it still is, I haven't been on a job interview in a long time. I never had a good answer, it always seemed that the life I had then (school, working full time, engaged) was basically the life I'd have in another 5 years (working full time, married). Not much difference.

Today I'm married to a man with cancer and I really don't like my house.

Where do I see myself in 5 years?
As a widow, and in a house I enjoy coming home to

a week in the hospital

well, technically 1/2 a week, but it felt like a week. The new chemo skyrocketed his blood sugar so he was admitted last Tuesday evening and came home yesterday (Saturday). His parents came in on Wednesday and I went home for about 3 hours. Other than that, I was at the hospital the whole time.

That was not how I expected to spend 3 days of vacation time, but what can you do? I guess I could do a lot. I'm going to get home access to work, so I can use my laptop and at least do some work next time, maybe it'll count as a 1/2 day or something.

There was a woman visiting the patient next door. I saw her a few times and she was obviously upset. One time I walked out of hubby's room and she was just there trying not to cry (I think standing at 'our' doorway was the closest she could be while being out of sight of the patient next door). She had the "oh god, the world just ended, and no one notices" look that I've felt many times. I'm not a huggie type of person, especially with people I don't know,  but I couldn't help it. I walked over to her and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know you, but you look like you need a hug," and I did. She started crying and told me her husband was just diagnosed with cancer and it's terminal. We talked for a few minutes, I doubt I said anything earth-shattering. I saw her again when she was leaving and I gave her another hug.

I hope she'll be ok.

10 tips

I found this in The Resourceful Caregiver book

1. Choose to take charge of your life, and don't let your loved one's illness or disability always take center stage.
2. You deserve some quality time, just for yourself.
3. Watch out for signs of depression, and don't delay in getting professional help when you need it.
4. When people offer to help, accept the offer and suggest specific things that they can do.
5. Educate yourself about your loved one's condition. Information is empowering
6. There's a difference between caring and doing. Be open to technologies and ideas that promote your loved one's independence
7. Trust your instincts. Most of the time they'll lead you in the right direction.
8. Grieve for your losses, and then allow yourself to dream new dreams.
9. Stand up for your rights as a caregiver and a citizen.
10. Seek support from other caregivers. There is great strength in knowing that you are not alone.